Tuesday, April 26, 2011
A Video on Emotional Intelligence
A paraprofessional who is lacking some competence in emotional intelligence. Check out the video!!!
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
My Choice for a Personal Mentor
I had a lot of "mentor" like people in my life that have mentored me in some way; each one significant in certain areas of my life. However, I did not choose them to be my mentor; they just came into my life in different ways and beyond my awareness became an individual possessing mentor "ish" characteristics.
If I have a choice to choose my own personal mentor I would like for that individual to be a Christian or, more simply, a person who believes in Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior.
A mentor who is Christian is a mentor I would feel very comfortable with since we share common interests and thoughts related with Christianity. I believe wholeheartedly that Christianity is not just another religion or man's made up religion to feel good about themselves. Christianity is reality and a lifestyle that I believe is connected to each individual's life in some what way. A mentor who understands this is someone who deeply understands what areas of my life that a young guy like myself should be developed in.
Of course, most of the individuals in my life were not Christians yet I learned a lot from them. I am not devaluing the importance of others who believe in something else. I am more than willing to learn from anyone. However, I would feel uncomfortable if I had mentor who attempts to change my mindset on the very things I am for and against. Moreover, I would have a hard time being vulnerable to a mentor who's advice doesn't exactly hit the right spot; that spot that would inspire and influence me to become more like Jesus Christ 2000 years ago or so.
Every type of mentor has their benefit but my personal choice for a mentor would be a person who believes in the most powerful, loving person in existence: Jesus Christ.
Monday, April 11, 2011
Skateboarding Yo
A new adventure has unfolded when my friend two Saturdays ago gave me his skateboard for free. We had a Christian meeting that night but I must admit that I wanted to try it out so badly at that moment. More than a week later, I am still continuing the sport without any desire or willingness to stop.
Long ago I had no interest in skateboards. It was just another means of transportation, along with a million tricks one can do with a skateboard. However, when I started to really see how the skateboarders on campus zip and zoom around people to get to point A to point B, not too mention how cool some of the dudes looked riding their boards in a nonchalant way as if it wasn't a big deal, a spark of interest and respect began to grow. Interest and respect continued to grow until last semester the idea to try out skateboarding was born.
Fast forwarding to future, it has been a week since I started skateboarding. The first days were the hardest and I didn't want anyone, especially guys, looking at me practice. To say the least, I was insecure. However, my desire to skateboard grew more and more. Skateboarding became more than just a means of transportation but a hobby that has the possibility to distract me from school and work. Surely enough, it did a number of times.
Before I quited video games, playing video games gave me a sweet feeling in my heart. Although skateboarding is a workout in itself with occasional falls there and there (especially a big one when I was going to church) it has become like candy for me; eat one and you'll be looking to have another as soon as possible. I am still not good like the other skateboarders but balance and control are becoming better friends to me day by day.
As of now and probably until the day I kick the bucket, skateboarding will stay as a means of transportation and a means to get outside, suck up some fresh air, and cruise around wherever there is pavement and concrete. I HAVE NO INTEREST IN DOING SKATEBOARDING TRICKS!!! I love my face, neck, spine, bones, and other important body parts as they are now. Though someone has told me that you might say "no" now but once skateboarding becomes second nature to you you're going to want to expand your horizons towards to the land of skateboarding tricks. That could be true. "Never say Never" I always hear. But as of now, NO to skateboard tricks and YES to simple skateboarding.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
Article on Mentoring: Productive Conversations
A couple days ago I found an article about productive mentoring conversations. It mentions that if you (a mentor) want to get to know your mentoring partner and increase the likelihood that you will generate new awareness and learning, conducting productive conversations is the key to obtaining these goals.
2 essential elements for productive conversation are Balance and Quality.
Balance:
Below are a couple of things that happen when the dialogue flow is unbalanced.
Telling too much: You might show signs of disinterest in the opinion and thoughts of others and seem to confident with your opinions. This can make you look like a know-it-all, the kind of person that makes people feel insecured and resentful.
Asking too much: It will look like you are hiding behind your questions, obtaining info without the willingness to share your thoughts and opinions. This can make you look like a inquisitor, which causes mistrust and suspicion.
Asking and telling too little: You might show signs of aloofness, disconnection, or lack of interest. This can make you look reclusive, a behavior that can depersonalize or devalue someone.
In short, both the mentor and mentee should aim for balance in their conversational flow.
Quality:
Any type of conversation can be peronsally engaging or not. The article mentions that "an engaged connection can be described as trustworthy, non-defensive, and personally revealing". Conversation should be engaging if you want to improve the quality of your connection with your mentee. How to do that is simple: Give voice to your thoughts and opinions, be personally vulnerable to your mentee, let down your defenses, and expose your true ideas and opinions. No openness = No quality connection.
Some other characteristics of productive conversation are (as quoted):
• Mutual Contribution – Both parties share in a back and forth
manner. Either participant has the freedom to initiate or
contribute to the direction of the conversation.
• Constructive Banter – There is often an unforeseen destination
that is arrived at through a spirited exchange. Both feel a high
sense of connection with the topic being discussed.
• Generative Possibilities – A high likelihood exists that new or
original understandings or knowledge will be produced.
In a nutshell, productive conversations lead to these results:
Meaningful Conversation
Different Points of Views being shared
Enhanced Relational Understanding
Increased Trust
Deeper Appreciate for Eachother
The True Essence of each person is being revealed
Gain a Deepening Awareness of the Strengths and Abilities of Your Partner
and much more.......
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Spongebob Works-Really-Hard Pants?????????
As I was watching a couple of episodes a while back a couple of things caught my eye. Anyone who watches the show knows that Spongebob loves to work in the Krusty Krab. However, what I just recently noticed is that Spongebob, naive and stupid sometimes, is actually a hard worker and is believably passionate about his job. Who ever says "Ahhhh, I hate closing time?" I never met such a person but I bet that any employer who has Spongebob (or someone like him) as an employee would treat him like his pride and joy. Any episode of him working in the Krusty Krab shows how much he works hard making patties and making people happy. The ideal hard worker. I dare say that he works harder than most of my friends including me and I am talking about a guy most human beings don't like yet cannot deny his work ethic is something to be envious about. I'm jealous lol.
Film Analysis: Good Will Hunting
Good Will Hunting is a movie about a young man named Will Hunting. Will lives his life in Boston, most of the time hanging out with his friends while working low-end jobs. However, it is soon apparent that Will is extremely smart despite his habitual bad behavior. One day after a fight Will has with some guys and the police, he meets Skylar and gets her number. However, since Will hit a cop he was sentenced to jail with little hope getting out until Gerald came in to help him. Gerald, a famous Math teacher, discovered that Will solved a difficult math problem and wanted to work with Will on math, granted if he would also meet up with a therapist. Unfortunately, Will runs Gerald’s therapists out, leaving Gerald no other choice but to seek help from his old college friend, Sean. Agreeing to help out, Sean meets with Will and approaches him in very different way without backing down from him. The two continue to meet with each other, digging deeper in Will’s heart, while Will continues to date with Skylar. However, one day Skylar ask Will to come to California with him, which upsets him and eventually leaving the room while saying “I don’t love you”. Things continue to become rocky for Will when he burns a math paper while meeting with Gerald, gets kicked out of room by Sean, and was told by his best friend that Will is wasting his time on petty jobs and not using his God-given talents. Eventually, Sean manages to break into Will, telling him that despite all the bad things that happened to him that they were not his fault. In the end, although Will accepts a new, well-paid job, he quits it and takes his new car to find Skylar in California.
An approach I that was very successful was when Sean and Will went to a park and Sean was direct about Wills problems. When they first met, Sean asked lots of small questions to Will in order to get to know him more. It would probably not have been effective if Sean immediately spoke directly about Will’s problems since he doesn’t know anything about Will yet. Being direct immediately would have also pushed Will away and their relationship would have been ruined before it even started. After meeting with Will in their first meeting, Sean knew enough about Will and some of his problems to directly approach him about his problems. Being direct and blunt in this way is effective because it allows the other person to come face to face with their problems, which has to happen at some point of time in order to overcome it.
An approach I that was unsuccessful was kicking Will out of the room during a session. During the movie, after Will finished speaking, Sean asked if he had a soul mate and Will didn’t answer directly. Sean soon asks what does Will really want to do and Will lied saying he wanted to become a shepherd. Upset by Will’s answers, Sean gets up and tells Will to get out. Although Will refuses to go, Sean complains that Will is not answering his questions and is wasting his time, thus wanting Will to get out. I don’t think this was very successful because for a couple of reasons: 1, getting kicked out can make someone feel bad and the fact that Will said “I thought we were friends” makes this situation even worse; and 2, it makes the mentee feel alone and abandoned.
As a mentor, what I would do first is find out what the student like or his/her hobbies. Everyone has something in life that they really like. These things give us pleasure and we would talk for hours about them. People are more open to talk about things they like oppose from things they do not like. Affirming and acknowledging these things allows the person to trust others more and thus become more open. In the movie, Sean mentions to his class that trust and feeling safe is extremely important in a mentor relationship and that without it there is no point in being in one. One issue I would like to address is his relationships. In the movie, most of the sessions between Will and Sean were about relationships with the women in their lives. Will’s relationship with Skylar allowed Sean to further his relationship with Will and gain his trust. What inspired change in Will once when Sean endlessly told him “it is not your fault” until the point where he broke down crying. From there, Will pursued for a better job but then at the end drives out of Boston to find Skylar in California.
When it comes to self-awareness, Sean knew himself pretty well. He is aware of how much his wife influenced him and meant to him. Also, he is mentioned of the pain he has inside because of his wife’s death and this is also being self-aware. For Will, he is quite unaware about himself. Will acknowledged Sean’s thought, later on in the movie, that he has a fear of abandonment and attachment disorder. However, he was quite unaware about this throughout the movie. When he mentioned to Sean that he doesn’t want to ruin the perfect moment he has with Skylar now, it was obvious that he was scared that the relationship wouldn’t go well. In another scene, Skylar ask what is Will afraid of but he doesn’t answer the questions while becoming mad and out of control, not realizing (or accepting) the fact that he was scared that she might ditch him because of how he was treated by his foster families.
In a scene where Will displayed effective communications skills is when Will and Sean were talking about Sean’s wife and baseball. Already Sean spoke of his wife, especially in such a strong way that Will asked when did Sean knew she was the right person. Sean answered that he knew on the day of the game six in the World Series baseball game and spoke vividly about the game as well as the first time he met his future wife, baseball and women that Will had an interest in. In an journal article, Academic Mentoring: Enhancing the Use of Scarce Resources, Pamela quotes that “They [mentees] must value the time and experience of the mentor, listen carefully, ask good questions and always be willing to expand their potential (as cited in Rylatt, 1994: 237). Although Will didn’t exactly show an willingness to expand his potential, he values his time with Sean, listens carefully, and asks good questions, as seen in this scene.
One ethical dilemma in the movie was the first session between Sean and Will. When Will said that Sean might have married the wrong woman from looking at Sean’s picture, Sean rebukes him and tells him to watch it. However, Will continues to push Sean’s button by speaking negatively about his wife. Here, Sean could’ve asked for Will to stop speaking about and say why. However, because of who Will is, he might have kept on speaking about her. The other choice Sean had was what he did in the movie, grab Will by the neck and threaten him if he ever spoke about his wife negatively again. This could’ve caused a fight and/or end their relationship on the spot. However and fortunately, they continued to meet.
Another ethical dilemma in the movie was when Sean and Gerald met with each other at a bar to talk about Will. Gerald realizes that everything is going well but he asks Sean if they talked about his future yet. Sean says they are still exploring his past, at this Gerald responds that since people are calling him to have Will work for them he wants him to talk about the future. Sean says that he doesn’t believe Will is ready for that yet. At this point, Gerald could’ve followed Sean’s plan and let him take care of Sean. However, Will could lose his chance of getting hired and/or might be confused to do something that doesn’t exactly uses his brain. Or, Gerald could force Sean to turn his strategies toward the future and help Will focus on the job offers or similar opportunities. However, this can backfire and Will will never understand his inner problems.
There are a couple of things I can take away from the film. First, sometimes or at some point, you need to be direct with your mentee and tell them the straight facts regarding their problems. To type of approached was done by Sean and although Will didn’t seem to change from it, undoubtedly what Sean said must had been on Will’s mind. If people never know the truth or the straight facts, then they will never find a solution to their problems.
Second, as Sean mentioned in his class during the movie, you must gain trust from your mentee and they must feel safe. The relationship cannot grow nor can the mentor do anything if he is not trusted. No matter how much the mentee shares with the mentor, without trust the mentor will be unable to get to the core of his mentee and his problems.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Miscommunication, you are so annoying!!!!
There is this one girl in my program that I just can't figure out. I don't think I did anything wrong. I do what any other paraprofessional would do: be friendly, tell them about upcoming activities, anything my job requires me to do. Yet, I only get short responses and blank stares. I even try saying hello to the girl and I sometimes feel like she is avoiding me. What gives??? At first, I wanted to blame myself: my conversation skills suck, I'm not good with people, blah blah blah. Then, I began to question her: Maybe she has troubles with conversation, maybe she is just a shy person, maybe she is just a shallow person, maybe she still has a hard time with Americans, or maybe she doesn't like black people. The list goes on. However, as I think about all the possibilities, one thing comes to mind: miscommunication can happen anywhere at anytime in a myriad of ways.
Face expressions, words, gestures, the atmosphere, the time, anything can affect communication. Maybe I talk with a straight face even though I speak with energy and excitement. Maybe she finds the way I do my job is strange. A lot of factors can come into play and the funny thing is that in the end I will probably never understand why our relationship is like this. Rather its me or her, there is not point creating judgments that are not credible. Miscommunication can happen when we notice them or not.
How can we overcome this? I only have control in what I do, not what she does. I can worry for the rest of my life about why she acts the way she does, or I can focus on my part of the conversation/relationship, the part I have control over. As long as I do my part and be responsible for my actions, why worry about something you can't control. Of course, questions could be asked and the relationship could require sometime. Anything is better than worrying about something I will never really have control over. Miscommunication is bound to happen. What is more important is how we respond to it.
Effective Listening vs Selfishness
For me, random thoughts. Have you ever been in a conversation with someone and just out of nowhere a random thought comes in mind? It can be anything: thoughts about your girlfriend, thoughts about what you did last night, thoughts about the big game tomorrow, or even thoughts about why is the person you are talking to is talking so much. Thoughts can be very distracting.
What other things keep me from effectively listening to a speaker? Environmental distractions? Hey, who hasn't been distracted by that pretty girl who you happened to catch at the corner of your eye? The exact same interest to listen to the speaker can be tempted by something else around us, drawing it and attention away from the speaker. It happens to the best of us.
Values: They can be either our ear's greatest friend or foe. How much do we value what the person is talking about? Is the value high? Low? For me, depending on the situation, values can be just as nomadic as the people in the past.
Values, distractions, thoughts: they all can keep us away from effective listening. But they can, as well as many others, be summed up in one word: selfishness. Effective listening requires self-sacrifice, a less concern for one's self, sympathy, compassion; words that don't focus on "I" or "me". Humans can be quite selfish; I've been selfish many times in my life and might do so again. But I believe that when selfishness is out of the picture, what is left in the picture is your speaker, drawn quite well by your ears.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Multicultural
Observant
Understanding
Relationshops can never go any farther than "How are you" unless you try to understand that person.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)